I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
