I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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