Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
