I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize