she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
