Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think I am morally bankrupt
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you had me at cake vodka
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
