Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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