I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
