Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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