Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
