i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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