No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
