In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
