I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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