its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
