I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
