Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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