4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
