Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
