i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
