Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
