just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
