Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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