somebody snuck up and got me drunk
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
