The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how can u be prego again
I think I died a long time ago.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
