Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
