I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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