my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
