I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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