Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
