Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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