You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
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Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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