I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
