Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
