OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
