I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
