I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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