how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
