So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
