I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
