Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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