Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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