Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
