I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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