I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
