I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize