what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
