Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
