I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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