My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
