Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
