South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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