Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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