I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
