my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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