Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
