Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
