I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
