i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
