I could make wine with my vomit
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
