4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
