You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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