I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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