I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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