She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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