I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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