I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
