Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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